I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
