i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
