forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
