do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
