the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
