I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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