I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Randomize
