chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
