it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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