i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
