He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
