yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
