i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
