oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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