Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
