I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
