Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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