i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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