why didn't you poke me back
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
