He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How does one acquire holy water?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
