he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
