And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
