Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
