every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
