you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
