No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
