i would punch a child for taco bell
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
