Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The air was thick with penises
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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