I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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