He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
