I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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