do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
