why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
