hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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