That's when you crack a 10am beer
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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