farters have to be the big spoon...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
