I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
