don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
