the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
