he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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