Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
