If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
