The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
