Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Everything about him screamed your future.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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