The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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