i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
