I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
