I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
