I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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