nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
